On reaching The End. #AmWriting #AmReading #IndieAuthor #Ebook #Romance

Secrets of the Heart - the sequel to Dirty Little Secret is complete- well the rough draft is anyway. Now it's on to rewrites and edits and what not- but I wanted to take the weekend (Well Sunday anyway) to just kind of decompress from all things writing.

Ivy, my main character took me on the craziest journey with this story - covering topics and situations I never thought that I would be exploring. As I wrote it, I found myself facing so many of my own doubts- about whether it was a good story, whether it fit the proper "rules" of writing, if I had a proper arc, the perfect balance of subtext, emotional pull, and interest to draw the reader into teh story and keep them turning pages. I was so stuck in my own head writing this one that I don't know if i ever truly just let go and wrote.

I also struggled because Dirty Little Secret was originally written ten years ago (and edited/revised and mostly rewritten last year when I was out of job and decided on a whim to make my dream of becoming a "writer" a reality ). I was at a competely different place in my life than I am now. So I struggled trying to find that twenty-five year old voice again. To look at the world with fresh eyes open to possibilities and not with biterness and pessimism culled by a decade of disappointments and regret.

I have no idea if this book is even good. I wont pick it back up again until tomorrow morning to do the first read through- the first round of fixes before really delving in and identifying its issues.

Consequently, I have found that I am way more raw emotionally than I was when I finished Dirty Little Secret so long ago. Ivy's story broke my open, and has left me aching and bleeding and in desperate need of a hug. And while walking through Target this morning stocking up on so many of the household supplies that have been virtually ignored over the past few weeks as I pushed towards the finish line- (who knew Target could be such an introspective place), I realized there is so much of me in Ivy.

Not the cool, skinny, gorgeous, popular girl on the surface, but the root of the root and the bud of the bud (you may recognize this line, this poem ... it makes an appearance in this book). It's that vulnerability- that heartbreak and fear of laying yourself out bare that I think has left me with such dis - ease this morning.